So the last week has not been the best in our house, to say the least.
Let’s start with the more cut and dry issue (and why you will find it ironic that I say that). Our main (read, “only”) vehicle that gets us around is a 2009 Dodge Caravan. Shannon picked it out new, and after awhile, it became my primary vehicle while she was resting at home during treatments and such. I have a Sonata, but I have SUCKED at taking care of it, and as such it would be better just to donate it at this point. It isn’t running and I don’t really trust it even if I could get it back to running. So, last Monday going home to get the kids, my brakes suddenly started engaging while driving. I wasn’t touching the brakes, but the car would jerk like it was trying to slow down or stop. After about 30 seconds of this, I was able to drive and the ABS light came on. Did this both on the way to get the kids, and on the way home with them. I may not know a lot about cars, but I could tell this was NOT GOOD. So, last Tuesday, on a tow truck it goes, to a local garage to get checked out. Slight wringing of hands on how expensive will this be, or will they be able to figure out what it is. Turns out not very expensive, and easy to figure out what it was. Happy ending, right? WAIT, I forgot to mention one thing: The part needed (A clock spring, of all things to be critical to the steering and braking of my car!) is currently on NATIONAL BACKORDER. And the ETA for it? NONE. They LITERALLY have no idea when Dodge will have the part we need. So, the mechanic told me he’ll check on it week to week and see when it comes in. Week to Week? WE ARE WITHOUT A VEHICLE!!!!!! UGH! Luckily, my Dad has an old Buick LeSabre as a spare, so he’s letting me use that for a while to see if they can figure out where this part is. I’m glad for the assistance, but I hate this. I hate that my car is just sitting in a garage somewhere, easily fixable, but the part is just nowhere to be found. Oh, and let’s not mention THIS IS A SEVEN YEAR OLD VEHICLE!!!! How do they just not have parts for it on the ready? I was told by one of the places I called that they can see THOUSANDS of requests for one of these. That means in order for me to get it, some company has to finally get around to producing SEVERAL THOUSAND OF THESE. And I’m guessing it’s been on Backorder for awhile then.
So, there’s that…and then there was Darcy’s illness/issue in the past week. So Wednesday morning, getting ready for my Dad to drive the LeSabre up to me, so I can drive him home and go into work. And go figure, Darcy is telling me she feels like she has to go to the bathroom, can’t get anything to come out, and can’t go to school. TODAY? OF ALL DAYS? So, I tried to nudge/coax/plead with her to try…not happening. This has been an intermittent/ongoing issue. So, with no idea what else to do, I hold her out and she goes to my parents for the day. No bathroom issues at their house, go figure. And we talk about going back to school and trying and all. So Thursday morning, she goes to the bathroom fine, she eats breakfast and….”I have a tummy ache Daddy”. *sigh* Here we go again. Need to go to the bathroom? No. Need something to eat? Didn’t help. Feel like you’re going to throw up? ….Yeah . Great. And btw, 1 hour after calling her out of school AGAIN, I go up to her room and she is trying on snow pants and going through her closet. But “my belly feels worse. even worse!” Call to the pediatrician, assuming they will just laugh at me, but they decide to see her anyway. Took a sample from her, but said everything seems okay, just sounds like constipation again. Try pushing more water, try giving softener from time to time, try adding fiber to her diet. I’m still wondering if it’s a psychological thing, but she went back to school on Friday with a little nudging (and bribery…I give, I had to do SOMETHING to fix this!), and she’s been fine this week. Still, I sit here wondering how long until the bathroom issue keeps her out again. School says to have pediatrician rule out medical issue first, then we can talk about guidance/behavior options to address it. More than anything, I don’t want to ignore Darcy here. I don’t think she’s doing it to get out of school, she genuinely likes her friends there, but SOMETHING odd is going on. This child ALWAYS needs to use the bathroom within 5 minutes of arriving somewhere (Grocery store, basketball practice…basically anywhere she doesn’t want to be. Gymnastics is fine, going to family member’s house is fine). I know we need to do counseling (I’ll address that more in another blog post), but I’ve been putting it off. I wonder if these issues are the right catalyst to finally get me to say “It’s time”.
So, let’s wrap up this post with the “moral of the story”. This wasn’t a post about my issues that came up this week. They sucked, I’m still dealing with them, but whatever. It’s a thought I had when I was taking my lunchtime walk yesterday. I’ve been through losing my wife, my love. I’ve been through telling my kids they won’t see their Mommy anymore. I’ve been through countless explanations to a little girl that no, Mommy isn’t alive anymore, and what that means, and had to reassure her about her own fear of mortality! A car being down, a child being ill without definition….these things suck, but they are DROPS IN A BUCKET compared to what I’ve had to do. So, for now, I’ll use the loaner car (Thank you again Mom and Dad), and I’ll start calling and setting appointments with counselors in the area. But I’m not going to punch the walls, scream out in anger, or rip the little hair I have left out (Did all of those on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday anyway), because if I had to go through the hell of losing Shannon, there’s only a handful of things that can be as bad or worse, right? When it rains, it pours. But it’s not usually going to drown you.
(I have neglected this blog WAY too much. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it now, I’m going to try posting a bit more often. I have a few blog post ideas I’m going to draft out in the next few days, so I can post a couple things leading up to end of the year. Thank you for reading, please keep doing so and I promise I’ll keep sharing the inner swamp of my thoughts about life)